Head to Chinatown to meet HIM early this morning at 7am...Had a rather long... serious... and definitely not smooth-sailing talk in a room...He said he was feeling guilty... do not want to cheat anyone... me... his family and someone else...But, we were close to insperable... He cannot bear to let me go... wants to me with me always... Get this clear... This sentence of his is not what most if not all of us think... If you get what I mean...Ask me what I think we should do...Told him time and again... The best would be to cut off all contact. Cruel but it should be the best for both of us... My mouth said that, but is that what my heart really wants as well?I was able to look straight into his eyes to talk to him until emotions got the better of me...I could see the pain and sorrow in his eyes... He was close to tearing...As for me, I teared in front of him... again...However, this time round, he was not angry with me for doing that at all. Because, he believes that if a girl crys for a guy, it would only bring him bad luck...Instead, he brought me close to him, gave me a tight, warm hug... a hug which I really really missed... I did not retaliate... Because, for all I know, this might be the last time from him...Was watching Outdoor Outtakes... A comedy show I believe...At the last scene, he kept laughing away... to the extend that he could not speak... was trying to explain to me what he was laughing about...Seeing him laugh that way, it hurts me more... He was definitely not laughing from his heart... He was just trying to drown everything which was written on his face then...Yes, I did laugh with him. Seeing him laugh that way remind me of a 3 year old kid laughing because he or she was being tinkled...Was to have a bath. Saw the letter I wrote to him...He was holding it when I came out of the bathroom... Stunned..."I was faster than you." He said.I was still dumb-founded...Sorry was the only word he could say... and repeat...Wanted to go to City Hall for lunch. Passed by Swensen's at Chinatown Point then..."Swensen's?" He asked."I shall eat fish and chips then," I said and we walked into the restaurant.Asked me to order other dish but I insisted on the fish and chips."I know... Once you decide on something, you will never change your mind already." He said.Then, he looked at me.I just smiled and turn away.At that time, same thoughts were running in my mind... If you get what I mean...Walked to City Hall MRT station. He headed home, I left for work...After work, went for dinner with Jackie and Rebecca at Cafe Cartel. It has been a long time since I last went for dinner with them...While waiting for my main course to be served, I had 2 pieces of bread, a couple of potato wedges and sipping my drink away. I was feeling full already then... Without finishing half the plate of my main course, I was bloated already... Conitnue with a few more mouthful of macaroni and I decided not to eat anymore...Till now, I feel so full... and bloated... Seem to be suffering from indigestion...And Mummy have to buy durian back today!!! It has been a long time since I last ate them... The father who is always pampering this daughter of his packed some durian and put them in the fridge. He knows I love it that way... He knows I may eat it for breakfast tomorrow... He just knows... =)
{&i'll hold on till the end of time-}
4:05 PM